It can sometimes feel like technology is evolving at a pace that’s almost impossible to keep up with; social media and gaming companies are always finding new ways to make their programmes even more fun and addictive, which can make setting boundaries around using them a real challenge. That's why we've outlined some practical strategies you can use to help you feel in control of the time your teen spends online and more reassured about the type of content they are accessing.
Set the rules early on and stick to them
The younger your child is when you introduce clear boundaries around screen time, apps, social media, and gaming, the easier it will be to stick to these when they reach adolescence. If you think you might have previously been a little too relaxed around screen time, try not to worry – you can still create new rules and expectations, you might just get more of a push back initially, so be prepared for this.
Be hands on and stay up to date
The online world can seem vast and overwhelming, but rather than burying your head in the sand it’s important to stay knowledgeable about what’s out there and what your teenager might be engaging with. It’s helpful to talk to friends, share information with other parents, and ask your child’s teachers, etc. You may even want to download some of the apps and have a go yourself – that way you’ll know exactly what your teen is exposed to and can make an informed decision about any rules you might want to implement around that app’s usage.
Talk to your teen about the internet
We get it, talking to your teenager can feel like you’re talking to a brick wall, especially if they feel like they're being lectured. Having open and honest conversations is important, but be sure to choose your timings well for these discussions – it doesn’t make sense to talk about their internet use in the heat of an argument, so wait until you’re both in a good mood and things are calm. Try to take an approachable, non-judgemental and genuine stance; show an interest in what your teen is doing online and ask them questions, you could even ask them to let you have a go on their games consoles! Inject some fun into the conversation but be sure to let them know why there needs to be boundaries. When you have open conversations with your teenager they will be more likely to come to you if there’s something that’s worrying them online.
Set up house rules for device usage
It can be difficult to establish boundaries around internet usage without also considering the digital devices your teen has access to. Setting up some house rules around when and where your teen has access to devices will help you to monitor their internet use and promote an environment where they don’t spend time alone with their phones 24/7. Some good examples of rules you might want to consider are:
Leaving phones or tablets outside of the bedroom at night / no phones or tablets in bed.
No phones or tablets at the dinner table.
Time limitations on when and where your child can use their devices, e.g. for one hour after dinner.
Be honest and real
Teenagers don’t like to be treated like little children, and quite rightly so. Be honest with them about why you are monitoring their usage, and explain that you are doing so to keep them safe. It’s important not to spy on your teen; be transparent and let them know you will be checking up on them, either in person or with the help of parental control settings/apps. Also discuss what steps you will take if you have any concerns – will you talk to them about your worries? Might there be further screen time restrictions put in place?
Don’t use screen time as rewards/incentives where possible
It can be tricky when setting up household rules and boundaries to think of incentivising rewards for teens that don’t involve devices and screen time! However, if your go-to reward is always earning screen time, you might end up in a situation where your teen has banked far more hours in a day/week than you are happy with. You may also inadvertently reinforce the view that screen time is the be all and end all – probably quite the opposite of what you were hoping to achieve! To avoid being in this situation, try and broaden your ideas for rewards – talk to your child and agree on meaningful incentives together, yes, some rewards may well include additional screen time, but try not to make this the only reward.
Check in on your teen’s self-esteem
As an adult you are probably all too aware of the impact that going online and accessing social media can have on your mental wellbeing – feelings of FOMO? jealousy? insecurity? Now, imagine you're a teenager experiencing all of that while simultaneously navigating the hormonal and developmental changes of adolescence! That’s why it's vital to regularly check in with your teen and ask how they are feeling about themselves after being on social media – is it affecting their self-esteem or mood in any way? If so, you may want to think how best to support your teen, might you need to explore parental controls or adjust your screen time limits for your child? You can also speak to your child’s school about their social media policy to ensure it aligns with your boundaries at home and ask what they do to monitor, enforce, and support children’s internet safety while at school.
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