Does your child frequently refuse to go to school? Or perhaps you’ve been told your child’s attendance is below where it needs to be? If these struggles sound familiar then you’ve come to the right place. When working with families where school attendance has become a challenge, we help parents to think about any changes they could make to help get their child get back to school without the daily battle.
Here are some of the first things we look at:
1. What’s your child’s sleep routine like?
Do they seem to be going to bed too late? Or maybe they're up all night playing computer games or on social media? For kids to feel able to face the day and feel alert and ready to learn, good sleep is essential. Start by looking at your whole family’s sleep schedule – setting a good example is key here – then try to establish a consistent school-night routine for your kids. A good sleep routine is one that includes time for your child to wind down and cue their brain for sleep, as well as one that leaves enough time for them to get the sleep they need to feel well rested. Under 12s should consistently be getting 9–12 hours a night while 13–18s need 8–10 hours.
2. What is your child doing when they don’t go to school?
This is often a biggie for kids – having too much fun at home when they should be at school! If your child is able to spend all day online, playing computer games, or hanging out with other kids who aren’t in school, then their motivation to attend school is certainly going to be pretty low! Can you think of ways to reduce how much fun they can have when they skip school? How about switching the internet off in the house for the day?
3. Is there a pattern to your child’s school refusal?
Are they skipping school after visiting a certain friend’s house the evening before? Maybe have a think about changing the pattern to see if doing so makes going to school the next day less of a struggle? Can you build in some winding down time on a Sunday perhaps? Can you limit visits to that friend’s house to weekends and school holidays?
4. Is your child getting mixed messages about the importance of going to school?
It’s normal to have off days – we all experience them; days when going to work or simply getting on with life can feel like climbing Everest. If every now and then you agree to your child having a day off when they aren’t ill, perhaps because they are tired for example, they may be experiencing this as mixed messages – is going to school important or not? It’s crucial to model that sometimes we all just have to get up and get on with it – it’s an important life skill to learn!
5. What’s your relationship like with the school?
Do you only hear when there’s a problem – or on the flip side – not even if/when there’s a problem? It’s really important to keep in regular contact with key school staff, especially if your child is refusing to attend sometimes. It can be helpful to ask for a face-to-face meeting and agree a communication plan moving forward.
6. Is anything happening at school that your child is trying to avoid?
Bullying? Problematic friendships? A certain teacher? Try to find a good time to chat with your child about what’s going on at school (this is not when they’ve just announced they aren’t going and tensions are high and everyone is stressed!). Create a relaxed space so that your child feels comfortable opening up to you. If your child is monosyllabic when you talk to them, then why not try having these conversations while walking or in the car? This can be less intimidating than sitting face to face.
7. Is your child experiencing anxiety related to going to school?
If you suspect this is an issue for your child then see our blog on supporting your anxious child.
8. A little reward can go a long way.
If there’s nothing particularly wrong at school but your child is just not a school-lover, it’s worth thinking about rewarding them for going – think about it, would you go to work if you weren’t paid for it? It doesn’t have to be a lot of money, or actually any more than you currently give your child/spend on them on top of their daily essentials. Don’t forget though, you have to be ready to hold back the pocket money if they don’t go – however much they nag you for it!
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